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50 posts
26 August 2025
Post the traumatic break up with my ex I did not know what to do with myself, but absolutely hated where I lived in KEW in Birmingham, and hated Birmingham as I was living and working with my own little company in the same place. I blamed the breakup on myself as my environment…
14 June 2015
Its probably no surprise to people who know me that I have some "interesting" activities I get up to sexually. But I must say that my view on these activities are slightly different to what others have... let me explain! I like rubber, leather, bondage and things like that. The…
11 May 2015
I don't know what is up with me today.... No really.... Feel super despondent, lethargic, shit, and annoyed.... and I can't work out why? Actually I think I may be sick - yes I think I am sick. Maybe depressed. Had the option to go and have fun with someone and didn't want…
22 March 2014
Spent most of the morning racking my brains trying to remember who I went to church with recently on a Sunday afternoon... I think it has now come to me that it was my friend Parvel... but the annoyance at myself for not remembering. This was after a gift they gave me from the…
22 February 2014
Gav - the Policeman and amazing friend of mine (and much more!) died in October. I still find it hard to get through the days. Everyday I think about him - sometimes it's just a small thought.... others it's like today where I am pretty much in tears and have to go and occupy…
26 September 2013
After weeks of arranging the day had finally come. I was finishing work early, the car was packed with plenty of toys to play with and I was so pumped up and horny I was surprised I hadn't already blown my load through excitement. I jumped in the car and raced round the motorway…
10 March 2013
I have now been in the US almost two weeks... Ok well I am about 11 days into "Vacation" as the Americans call it! Most of the vacation has been spent milling around and seeing California - immersing myself in the gay scene - although its a bit of a worrying place.... there is a…
6 March 2013
Well... I have been here a week now and not yet run out of things to do... in fact it is likely I will run out of time before I have to fly off the San Diego (which I am looking forward to). San Fran is a strange place with very mixed set of people... some general observations:…
17 February 2013
Sisters wedding was ace... in fact it was awesome! I had major reservations about this but after a bit of a discussion with mum and Astra I decided I would go. My expectations was that this was going to be a media circus as TV channels usually make a spectical out of these…
20 January 2013
This weekend has been a bit of a complete fail... I had a few plans... my friend Greg was coming over but cause of the snow he decided to catch up on uni work instead. Jon was also planning on coming up and going out to hard on but did his back in unfortunately... Friday decided…
6 January 2013
After last year, I hope this year can be better! The main things for this year are as follows: - Move house... I dont particularly like where I like and have now come to the definative conclusion I do not need to be in London and as such I will move out in April, probably April…
30 December 2012
The year started with so much promise: - Prospects of jumping away from evil Accenture to a new company, potentially Intel but maybe Airwave - I was content living with housemate Scott - it was nice to come home to someone and be able to talk, we were even talking of buying a…
22 December 2012
My perverted life really started the day I moved into my own home. In the past I had met up with guys and done some things but none of it was what I would refer to these days as hard core. Yet probably when I was younger I would have seen it very much as hard core. As I have…
22 December 2012
There is an entire part of my life that I dont mention much... some of my close friends know about this sub culture that I belong to whilst everyone else in my life is completely unaware! When I was a kid I used to think I was a bit freakish.. I liked workmen, loved their dirty…
13 November 2012
So... having spent many years externalising my issues to a public blog the time has come to go and internalise these... the rationale for this is that the blog was designed to help me and others... but in actuality there are only three people who read this as I have only ever…
20 October 2012
I vowed last night I will never fly Ryan Air ever again... 4 hour delay and not arriving home till 4:10am was not an ideal start to the weekend. But alas it is here, and its beena pretty amazing week. So far the new job appears to be a good move, I did not panic on the flights,…
14 October 2012
Friday was my last day with ASL, its a shame they have some absolutely great people. Euros, Andy, Chris, John, Matthew and Ross could easily run the company, they are driven, motivated and work damn hard to keep the most important person happy.... the customer! Its a shame that…
30 September 2012
Now... first things first... see if you can guess where the inspiration for this blog title came from? So it seems things have moved on a fair bit since the last blog, as such I will quickly bullet point then go into more details later! Tried building bridges with people... out…
9 September 2012
So! I came up with a spiffing idea (he says quit openly admiting he has drunken too much!). If the UK is too hard to deal with, and causes me too many problems with finding places to live, baggage problems with ex's and issues with finding friends.... then lets try something…
7 September 2012
So, after a busy week of both work job etc things are kinda moving! I have decided to leave my current role and go back to working for very large international companies in an international role. Now I know some of you are saying WTF!!! But there is a reason for this: - Current…
13 August 2012
After a night out watching the closing ceremony of the big football match (or the Olympic games as the rest of the world calls it), I headed home with my friends. Was ace being with them as I hadnt seen them in over a year, in fact we usually only see each other once a year in…
11 August 2012
I know that September will be a busy month.. lets face it I am doing the great north run, have a wedding (my first gay one!) and off to see Lady GaGa! But if that wasnt enough I now have to move house, and potentially will be moving jobs! All I can say is *SHIT*... but there is…
6 August 2012
I did fall into the trap of "offering" to help my friend move. Usually the things I excel in are 1. Avoiding Weddings, 2. Avoiding Family Gatherings, 3. Avoiding Helping with moving and house stuff! In all fairness it was a good friend... So off I trotted saturday morning to…
28 July 2012
Im sure it wont have passed people by that the Olympics is officially upon us! Being a Londoner it has been rammed down our throats for many a month, what with Olympic lanes, warnings not to drive in London, notices that we need to plan our journeys. Well I am pleased to say on…
8 July 2012
As you have probably been reading I have a few issues at present in the old work situation. After having only just moved jobs into what I thought was a better company I find myself believing I may have misjudged the situation. I thought I was coming into the company on a very…
5 June 2012
There is a huge issue I have with planning things. I'm sure my psychologist would hone in on this and explain its my mums fault for not breast feeding me into my teens. Anyway I seem to go through spats of trying to organise myself but then run into huge conflict with myself.…
27 May 2012
So yet another week of my life has passed and here I am again, different Starbucks, but same message. This week has been an improvement on last. In last weeks episode things were somewhat bleak... this week well things are still bleak, there are still issues with the job, and…
21 May 2012
As the events of the weekend show, sometimes you can give all that you have until there is pretty much nothing left to give and people can still treat you badly. Manchester was good, whilst I was there completely on my own I did enjoy my own company. I long discovered life is…
19 May 2012
Starbucks has become the common place for me to write these entries, mainly because of the free internet access, but also they are not too bad at coffee (I admit Nero is better but I aint going hunting!). There are a few things in my life I have tried to balance, one obvious one…
16 May 2012
I didnt sleep well last night.... in fact ive not been sleeping well for weeks... im not sure what it is... I cant really put my finger on it but things may seem well on the surface but there is an underlying issue somewhere. I have tried to tire myself out, last week I ran 25km…
30 April 2012
Im bloody aweful when it comes to people... well a certain type of people anyway! The way my brain works is very simple... if I can talk about things I know about I am generally ok... otherwise I enter panic mode and kinda stutter and stumble. So heres the general gist of how…
19 March 2012
Here we are for the second to last time possibly ever. On my way to Dusseldorf onboard an A319 British Airways club class flight listening to me blue sky while staring out of the window over a beautiful sunny blue German sky, all paid for by vodafone. Yes it's my last week of my…
23 February 2012
My first real out of country assignment. And most probably the last while working for my current company. Here I am in dusseldorf working my little bum off to do something ever so boring but most probably career making :) albeit do I want to be renowned for being the world…
21 February 2012
Evidently I wrote this when I was having a shitty day - but still important and should have hit the post system thingy: Maybe I changed things too quickly without properly thinking through the consequences? I now have the super cool job as an expert in my field. But not quite…
21 February 2012
I like monkeys.... Half feel like I am a monkey most of the time. Constantly farting about and generally doing what I want cause I'm so awesome I can get away with it (I wish). Target for this year then... Looks likely that the adding more to my salary is a done deal. Now need…
13 January 2012
Today one of my best friends told me about the list! No apparently the list is something that we all mentally create... whenever we see a nice attractive guy.... we add them to the list... the aim is when we die we aim to ensure that we have not missed any opportunities,…
1 January 2012
I hate coming into a new year cause I know a few days afterwards I will also be a year older. I should have spent new year with friends but decided I needed to be south to sort out some computer problems... Not for me but for my friends who sit on my servers. See others before…
27 December 2011
4 years ago yesterday is when I first published the very first pager of this blog, informing my friends that i was coming out and asking for some understanding in exchange for information explaining how and why about my sexuality. It was a brave affair, and only now looking back…
28 October 2011
Yet again there appears to be another fine mess I have gotten myself into... I seriously aint good at this personal life thing, begining to feel that maybe I should just go jump off a tall building or something cause things never go right, and never go to plan.... After the…
12 January 2010
Well seen as we have created the "plan" for 2010 I thought is would be apt to do a review of where we are and what happened in 2009. So in no particular order here is the "a year in the life of a gay boy": Stopped Hiding - Yes this was the year I decided fuck it, whilst mum and…
12 January 2010
Now where have I heard that statement from... oh yeah the senior managers at work... apparently 2010 will be a defining year (at work). Well if this is the case I suppose I better make some crap, erm I mean resolutions for the new year. Weight - As you know I aint exactly a thin…
22 November 2009
Men are a mix and mash of emotion, endorphines and aggression. We have different aspects of ourselves that we allow different people to see. At work I sometimes (most times) come accross as a cunt. With my family I am the fountain of all knowledge. With my friends I am one of…
7 September 2009
There are a number of films that I can identify with one of my favourited being Billy Elliott. Im sure you all know the story of the young boy from a mining community who decides he doesnt want to do boxing and instead goes off in search of ballet, overcoming hardships and…
7 September 2009
So Doncaster College wasnt the place for me, and I found it hard. Mainly because I was growing up and trying to define myself. I had a good set of friends and enjoyed most of what I did. I never got on with economics so switched to Media Studies (yes had I known now that this…
8 July 2009
You may realise it but every decision that we make shapes who we are as a person... it defines us! There are some key things that happened in my life as I was growing up that have shaped me as an individual, and rightly or wrongly made me into the person I am today. So tonight…
8 July 2009
Recently I have discovered lots about myself.... most of it I probably knew but wasnt really aware of. Some of the things I have discovered are: - Im very analytical and catagorise everything.... order is the word of the day! - There are lots of things in my childhood that have…
25 April 2009
It started May 2008... I was working in Leeds, and had just had a job offer from a large company that I respect and always wanted to work for... I wanted to send a letter to my boss about me leaving but decided I would wait for the written confirmation... just in case! So…
25 April 2009
We have all heard the term "doing things by the book".... well all I can say is whoever wrote the book is a numpty - and yep it may have worked for them, but leaves a bitter taste in my mouth! Bored one night after work early in March I decided that I would go see what was…
27 October 2008
For some reason I have never really been very good with relationships... when I was much younger I was led to believe that what happens when you grow up is you meet someone, get married and live happily ever after, having 2 or 3 children and living in a two up two down house.…
25 December 2007
This is probably the hardest letter I have ever had to write, and I have been thinking about doing this for a long time, but to be honest I haven’t had the balls as I don’t know how you will react. I am also very ashamed of myself as I feel I have lied and been deceitful to my…