So Doncaster College wasnt the place for me, and I found it hard. Mainly because I was growing up and trying to define myself. I had a good set of friends and enjoyed most of what I did. I never got on with economics so switched to Media Studies (yes had I known now that this was the pre-cursor to discovering how gay I am!). I actually recently found lots of VHS tapes (this is like a DVD but big a square with picture quality you may associate with something you have bought from a car boot!). The tapes were from A-Level media, and looking back I can clearly see there was a gay boy trying to get out! If only I could have had the forsight to look in the mirror and identify with myself at that age! Anyway... college is where I discovered things like that I can play pool - usually during a computing class, and I can get into most of the pubs in our village without getting my ID checked (you just have to act old enough!). I had a good friend called Shaun who lived in our village. When we were at uni he was also trying to find himself, and besides me taking the piss out of him for having a BT Cellnet brick, whilst I had the sexy nokia brick, he was a good friend. I remember one night coming back from a night out round Donny. We had been to the coach and horses and had a few beers, and gone onto the local night club. Needless to say me and Shaun didnt get in, so decided in our drunken state to walk the 6 miles home. As we got into our village me and Shaun were just messing around pushing each other into the trees and rolling around like idiots. I remember thinking back then that I wanted to kiss him, but didnt have the balls to.... fast forward two years and Shaun has come out of the closet and has turned into a EMO? (I think thats what they call them, these people who staple there faces together and wear black). But good luck to him, im pleased that he has found himself. Back in those days we were all confused. I spent my college days chasing Helen (yep another Helen) who did computer sciene with me. I thought I loved, her, turns out I probably did but not in the general sense of the word. Fast forward to Uni... By far these three years were the best years of my life. People tell you that uni is the best time of your life and you dont tend to believe them, in fairness you think they are talking shit. Well everyone out there, I can catagorically say that uni was the best time of my life... do I have regrets... yes... we all have regrets. My first choice was to go to Leeds uni and because I was too busy playing pool at Rileys snooker club in Dony I did manage to get the A-Levels I wanted to get into Leeds. Luckily I had been and visited Hull and discovered that I actually liked Hull and it made a great second choice university, and in retrospect I loved Hull and probably loved it more than I would have loved Leeds but who knows. I wish I would have realised I was gay whilst I was at Hull and had the convidence to takle it head on. I would have had a great time, not that I didnt in the first place... but I could have had a better time. At Hull I had a great set of friends, they were such good friends they are still today my best friends. Friends for life! There are so many stories that I could tell you about Hull, but think they are better left for another time and another section (the fact I could fill a book just about Hull!). The only regret I have looking back is that I would have liked to have known I was gay earlier. I felt I missed out on an important part of my life. But circumstances such as my early group of friends dissowning one of my friends for being gay, and the stigma attatched with being gay, as well as my personal battle to understand myself drove it deep inside and it didnt resurect itself until after Hull. In an attempt to re-live my life at uni, and the fact I couldnt decide what I wanted to do I went on to study for a PhD at the University of York. Well here again we hit another mistake. Not only did this turn into the darkest part of my life, but also left me with mental scars and whilst time is a great healer there is people that I hold responsible for those scars - mainly my supervisor at the time, and the people that mugged me walking home one evening. I never fitted into York... a South Yorkshire lad from a mining community living in a posh city within a department that classifies itself as a 6* establishment meant for the elite of computer science, ranked along side Cambridge and Oxford. In reality it was never gona work, and I hated myself for what I had become whilst at York. A snotty nose little shit who thought he was above the rest. Well two years in when it came crashing down around my ears after the relationship with my supervisor had collapsed and my mental state couldnt have got much worse... I headed home and gave it all up. People ask me if I could have stayed, continued and completed the answer is no.... sometimes enough is enough and you have to accept your lot in life before your strive to achieve destroys you. It was a dark day when I left York as I knew my dream of being a Dr. was over, but for the sake of my sanity it had to be. York was a lonely dark time in my life and whilst I made some great friends there, it was not really a good time in my life and the two years could have been better invested... again we live and learn!