It started May 2008... I was working in Leeds, and had just had a job offer from a large company that I respect and always wanted to work for... I wanted to send a letter to my boss about me leaving but decided I would wait for the written confirmation... just in case! So decided that I would organise to have my wisdom tooth pulled... it had been causing me problems for a while and Matt my dentist had said it could do with coming out, but I was too busy to worry about it previously... so I scheduled the appointment with Matt and booked day off work... Few days later I got the confirmation from new employer, wrote my letter and sent it to my employer... lots of discussions with them trying to convince me to stay and offering to meet the offer that new employer had set... I wasnt interested as knew I wasnt going to go anywhere with the company I was with. Later that week went to see Matt to have this tooth pulled.... got there... sat in the dentist chair and Matt's collegue (some specialist dude) was going to do it... he said he wasnt going to do the procedure as there was something he needed to discuss with me - ALARM BELLS!!!! OK... well he went on to explain that the xrays they have on file from 6 months previous showed an anomolie that was not noticed earlier... he continued to explain that there was a demarcation on the xray that may require further investigation. At this point ive moved into panic mode, and was feeling very sick but needed to understand this for myself, as I had seen the xray previously (yeah I kinda like having access to this stuff), and I hadnt seen anything. Stood looking at this xray image he showed me a large demarcation under my right front bottom teeth, encompassing about 4 teeth (to give impression of size). I asked Matt to come explain. Matt came in and discussed this with his collegue... at this point my knees are giving way and im struggling to breath as the panic was setting in... there was a large unknown growth inside my physical jaw bone under my teeth that was this size 6 months ago...... I rang my mum and I think the call went something like "Im at the dentist, come down now.... no really I dont give a fuck what you are doing come down now, this is very important...". I continued trying to understand where we are and what we do about it... Matt insisted he thought it was an xray artifact (cock up). But said I should have it investigated just in case as a matter of urgency, and he would write to a specialist immediately... I explained I didnt care how much it cost, I wanted it dealing with very quickly! Matt had to explain the situation to my mum as I had to go sit outside as I couldnt breath and my life was flashing before my eyes... everyone hates the word Cancer, but it was going through my head! Two days later, sat in private wing of a hospital waiting to see a consultant... Mr Lee was a very nice man, and pretty much said he thought it looked like a cyst, but I should have another xray done to find out if its grown.... off to xray.. 10 minutes later we are sat there looking at this new image, which is not markedly different to the original! He explained whatever it was its probably nothing to worry about immediately, as in 6 months its not done anything, but to be safe we should have it removed. He explained on NHS waiting time could be about a month, and private could do next week but would be expensive... we decided that we were going to go NHS.... I left my old job went to new job. Not long into new job had a letter for a pre-op assesment to have this cyst removed... so off I trotted... and we scheduled a date for the op... the following weekend... I woke up Sunday morning, and decided was a lovely sunny day.... had the thought process run through my head (and can still remember laying in bed making the decision), decided to go for a run out on my motorbike. Mainly to ensure that the battery was charged as was going to be out of action for a few weeks (little did I know what was round the corner!). We went to the bike shop and did our usual run out to Retford to the cafe for a nice cuppa and bacon sarnie! Heading back we went down a lovely road where you can get up some nice speeds.... I overtook a woman in a car, then breaked to go round a sharp bend... I was the tail end of out party... Went round the bend pretty slow at about 20-30mph.... got round successfully but was very close to edge of road and the bushes... after that I have no memory of what happened next.... (im told that a guy in a car overtool the woman and shot round corner at speed, we assume he caught side of my bike as he went round as I hadnt accelerated off at that point).... The only thing I recall was laying on the ground... I took my jacket off, and helmet (yep you should never do this!). It was a very eary few seconds lying there.... for a single moment you realise in this wide world that we are so insignificant... If I died that very second what would I leave, who would be at my funeral? An experience that deffinately changed my perspective on life... a scary somber moment of "oh fuck". Such a weird feeling! A woman came running over to me, to look after me... luckily she was a nurse! I got my phone out and rang my mum at work the call went something like "im in the middle of road, had bad motorbike accident air amulance on route", left a voicemail for my boss at work just so if I died someone would cover my meetings on Monday... then spoke to my best mate as I was supposed to be at his sons Christaning (I was the god parent!). His wife answered and she didnt believe I was on the tarmac in a state... I wasnt in an argumentative mood, so handed phone to someone else to explain. Recall seeing the air ambulance, then lost conciousness.... I woke up in the ambulance, and commented that the paramedic was nice, then lost consiouseness again... think they did that one delibrately... probably thought shit not another one! More morphine! When I came round again I was in the ER with lots of people over me... at this point I thought I was about to pop my cloggs... when there is that many people around you it cant be good... I watch casualty, I know what happens! After a few minutes... they started to dissapate... and leave me... apart from one woman who wanted to xray me... Apparently the only damage I had sustained was breaking my right elbow. Which suprised me as I could have sworn I took my jacket off and it didnt hurt.... thank god for adrenaline! I was back in the world (even though heavily drugged up)... and mum and dad had arrived - mum was in a bit of a state... some poor nurse was trying to get a canular in me, and I was back on some form as told her she was doing it wrong and needed to get grasp of a better vein or she will really struggle... and I was right... second attempt she got it in right... They wanted to get me into a ward quickly, so a nice guy called Dale (the porter) took me upstairs. I think I may have commented that he was cute! I had a room to myself... not that I was private... I think they must have just realised I was going to be a handfull so best to keep me away from the general populous! I spent just over a week in hospital and had to have an operation to replace my radial head in my right arm as I had shattered it into too many pieces for it to be salvaged. So now I have a chunk of titanium in there... my consultant was impressed with my new office I had created in the private ward room... I had my work laptop logged into office over 3G, blackberry, and a phone linked to office PBX for all my calls! This coupled with the TV dangling from the ceiling... it wasnt too bad (even though with the Capake, and Morphine they kept feeding me I cant remember much!). When I was done in hospital it took another 2 months of wearing a metal frame for my scar to heal, then another 2 months of physio before I was back at work properly (great way to start a new job!). Even though I was ill, I only took two weeks off work, and still managed to visit customers via the train and lots of taxis! I did get my boss into trouble after I appeared on a conference call on the Monday afternoon... and our manager was explaining he was taking over cause I had a major motorbike accident... then I appeared! Apparently HR were not happy and thought our director was to blame! Well its now almost 12 months... It was only two weeks ago I had the cyst in my jaw removed... as had to wait till I was back well enough from the arm operation. Hopefully the stitches will have dissolved soon... but on the whole everything is back to normal... yep my arm clicks a lot... and sometimes makes some very strange noises... and when I get ill with cold etc the arm hurts lots.... and at the gym I struggle as still dont have much strength in it... and as I damaged a nerve, I still have loss of sensation in median nerve (which affect the little finger and next finger), but im alive... im still here... I have a massive scar... have to see a specialist every 3 months... but it could have been much worse... I hold out hope that technology will mean one day I can have my own elbow put back in... or it grow back.. I dislike this part of my body... mainly cause its not part of my body... it doesnt feel like its mine! I can feel and see the screws and the scar is hidious! But the specialist is a genius, and he has remarked that he really didnt think I would get back the amount of use I have out of it... im almost completely back to normality... I would estimate im about 80% normal in that arm... and thats probably the best I can get until technology improves. So to recap... yes its been a horrific 12 months, heres a list why: - Health with cyst in jaw bone - Motorbike accident - Still dealing with rejection from the guy I was seeing - Moved jobs - Moved house (new job in hertfordshire, not South Yorkshire!) Eventaully was convinced at Christmas 2008 by a good friend that I should put my view on councellors aside as being nothing but sounding boards and useless... and go see one with an open mind.... March 09, I started councelling, and im only now starting to come to terms with some of the psychological damage that the above life events have caused. The thing I think of often... is why me... why cant I have the "happy ever after".... but actually I dont think im alone... and theres probably a lot more I can talk about with that one so will leave that one for another time.... next time your thinking things are bad, just remember theres probably people out there much worse off, and I think of the people I met in hospital when I start thinking how bad things are for me.... Dx