Ahhhhhh yet again the train journey to work. Although today I'm being a lazy bastard and have only just got on the train with my Starbucks skinny latte. I went out last night with the comms group (the team I am aligned to). It was one of those ex bank swanky bar affairs. Lovely place, and we had reserved the mezzanine level. I arrived suited and booted wearing my very false ubber confident smile. I quickly settled into the free bar having a nice champagne and striking up a conversation with the most boring fella i could find - my usual tactic. Then our senior exec team said a few words about how we are over target doing super well and about to decimate the Italians. It was very rugby club banker orientated. This was the first time I felt completely out of place. Everyone was talking about how they work long hours and it really affects their ability to spend quality time with their middle class family in Richmond. One even said he felt a little bad about the fact his friend who spends all his time saving folk in the NHS gets paid so little in comparison to him. - I think I had gone into the breach and become a member of that elusive group me and my ex colleagues used to call "sales arseholes". I struck up a few more conversations with a few random folk I had never met before - in fact let's be fair I only actually had met two people in the whole room!! It turns out I must have said a few things in the right context - ie a language they didn't understand but that sounded impressive! (not that hard considering the audience). Before I knew it I was asked (or encouraged strongly) to join this new all boys network as a specialist in mobile comms, and become a preverbal ass hole. Now this really isn't me - I pretty much scorn people who are twats and engage with them on such a level that I treat them as a twat, and here I am becoming one! It felt slightly dirty and as if I was selling my soul to the devil - but I think in reality I did that the day I walked into the swanky offices. Our tech lead was saying openly that if someone (not looking at me but clearly meaning me), was to bring onboard work from comms companies including the company I used to work at, then there is so much potential to grow and earn big bucks in the business. Now here I have a problem... I can't sell things for toffee... I can tell people the best way to do things and help them achieve what they want (in comms terms) but I ain't got a clue how to charge for stuff. Ask the nice folks at the DIY store, I regularly forget to bill them but am constantly trying to improve their systems to make their lives easier. - I also fall into the moral dilemma. I love my ex company, and the coms customers I had dealings with. Therefore why would I try and sell them consultancy for the hell of it? Now if they had a real need and say wanted something that evil san can provide then yeah cool... But helping them realise they should have consultancy cause it makes me look good doesn't feel right. - is it possible to be moralistic in a large company that is run by bankers who earn far too much and who would sell their own mothers for kudos? I did this move for a few clear reasons: 1 - Prove I am more than an engineer and can do more - working on a huge strategy piece for a comms company I think I have achieved that. 2 - improve my chances of furthering my career. (see point 1 - and note where I currently work!) 3 - move out of my comfort zone to do something more and learn - well not sure I'm doing that - unless learning how to be an ass and sell my mother counts? I already realise I know way more than many of the people I work with - well I do when it comes to mobile comms. So now the big question remains - at what point do I plan the exit strategy before there is nothing human left in me?